It's so interesting how older generations shut down when it comes to sharing the kind of information that would actually help their children, and especially their grandchildren, understand them. It wasn't until well after they passed that I learned enough about my grandfathers' past to be able to see their life in the proper context, and to understand all of the small ways in which we were connected. You're so right about needing to share the stories and the history now!
Dear Cheryl, you have hit a nerve with me. Your family history is very similar to mine. I have been on this search for 11 years. Two years before I retired I was diagnosed with a genetic disease that should have cut my life short long before it was discovered that I had it. My doctors were stunned that I was still alive and as relatively healthy as I was at 63. That alarm bell was so loud in my head, it was deafening. I am in awe at my resiliency and so are my doctors. I feel as if the universe is trying to giving me time to find out all I want and indeed need to find out about my family history, which is stalled at this moment. You have given me the extra nudge I needed to move forward with more force. Thank you.
You are dear to share this all with us, especially encased in the encouragement to live our lives to the fullest. Your mom - honestly, I'm without words. I cannot begin to imagine her pain and THEN to never marry again, never love again, b/c her mother said once was enough.
LIving with the unsolved mystery of Why? Why?? Im not sure many people realize how shrouded in shame suicide was for the families. Women already get blamed for divorces (still today and unfairly) and then in this situation - I'm not sure we can fully appreciate what your mother endured.
Epigenetics is such a game-changer. SUCH a game-changer!!
Wonderful read thank you for sharing. It's crucial to reflect on how short our time is here and to get after our dreams. The list of people I know who have passed on is already long, many young as well. It's crazy, but I know that I can still make so much more happen because I'm still here and I'm grateful for that. Cheers!
First the vocab section: Scalpellini is a TIL word. Epigenetics I learned from a wonderful book, "Hidden Valley Road", about a family whose 6 of 12 sons have schizophrenia. Yeah.
Secondly, I have a question about US ex-pats in Italy and end of life planning. Do you have to make arrangements in both countries? Ie will the US honor an Italian will and vice-versa? Just curious.
Cara Cheryl, grazie per questo racconto. Anche io per la mia storia familiare mi sono appassionata a questo argomento. Tra le varie ricerche fatte, ho scoperto le teorie di Bert Hellinger che ha approfondito questo tema da un punto di vista psicologico molto interessante. Ti consiglio di leggerlo!
One of my favorite pieces you have posted and considering the elections in November, it’s a very unsettled time and a very appropriate piece. I studied this genetic phenomenon you describe in college and I was always fascinated by it.
Thank you for all you do and revealing your self to us
Your words always impact me, Cheryl. However, this time it really touched my heart. My husband of 45 years unexpectedly chose to take his life while I was sleeping on the night on February 3, 2022. There were no warning signs and I found him in the bedroom. The death was violent and I still experience nightmares, grief, and despair. I lost the ability to talk for almost 6 months, which is ironic as I have been a speech language pathologist for all of my life and never fully understood selective mutism until now. But that tragic event did cause me to “do it now” and embark on Swedish Death Cleaning. All of this has led me to a new and healing life in Spain. I will always grieve but my strong Italian and Scottish ancestors have gifted me with the powers of resiliency, forgiveness and love. I am forever grateful for those genetic traits.
thx for posting your reflective piece. i am so sorry for your troubling history. it resonated with me. others’ writings often draw out people’s own parallel comparisons. this one did fo rme; and sort of gave me permission to relinquish guilt of family sorrows and release any sort of self blame. it also offered comfort in reminding me we are not the only ones suffering. we all have our stories. i accepted an amazing job in cupertino and moved our family from az when elektra was 3. within 10 weeks we bought our first house in marin, then my father suddenly died, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease and i was told progeny have a 50-50 chance of inheriting that gene. i didn’t. my sister did. mom died. later we headed to harvard, boston u, to scout universities with elektra, visit my sister and her sons. then... her youngest committed suicide. then she died of that insidious disease mom had. even now after a zillion confirmations and dna gene photographic prints, the worry residue remains, regardless the impossibility. so yes, go. do. now.
It's so interesting how older generations shut down when it comes to sharing the kind of information that would actually help their children, and especially their grandchildren, understand them. It wasn't until well after they passed that I learned enough about my grandfathers' past to be able to see their life in the proper context, and to understand all of the small ways in which we were connected. You're so right about needing to share the stories and the history now!
Dear Cheryl, you have hit a nerve with me. Your family history is very similar to mine. I have been on this search for 11 years. Two years before I retired I was diagnosed with a genetic disease that should have cut my life short long before it was discovered that I had it. My doctors were stunned that I was still alive and as relatively healthy as I was at 63. That alarm bell was so loud in my head, it was deafening. I am in awe at my resiliency and so are my doctors. I feel as if the universe is trying to giving me time to find out all I want and indeed need to find out about my family history, which is stalled at this moment. You have given me the extra nudge I needed to move forward with more force. Thank you.
You are dear to share this all with us, especially encased in the encouragement to live our lives to the fullest. Your mom - honestly, I'm without words. I cannot begin to imagine her pain and THEN to never marry again, never love again, b/c her mother said once was enough.
LIving with the unsolved mystery of Why? Why?? Im not sure many people realize how shrouded in shame suicide was for the families. Women already get blamed for divorces (still today and unfairly) and then in this situation - I'm not sure we can fully appreciate what your mother endured.
Epigenetics is such a game-changer. SUCH a game-changer!!
Thank you for sharing.
Wonderful read thank you for sharing. It's crucial to reflect on how short our time is here and to get after our dreams. The list of people I know who have passed on is already long, many young as well. It's crazy, but I know that I can still make so much more happen because I'm still here and I'm grateful for that. Cheers!
Annother great post, Cheryl.
First the vocab section: Scalpellini is a TIL word. Epigenetics I learned from a wonderful book, "Hidden Valley Road", about a family whose 6 of 12 sons have schizophrenia. Yeah.
Secondly, I have a question about US ex-pats in Italy and end of life planning. Do you have to make arrangements in both countries? Ie will the US honor an Italian will and vice-versa? Just curious.
Cara Cheryl, grazie per questo racconto. Anche io per la mia storia familiare mi sono appassionata a questo argomento. Tra le varie ricerche fatte, ho scoperto le teorie di Bert Hellinger che ha approfondito questo tema da un punto di vista psicologico molto interessante. Ti consiglio di leggerlo!
One of my favorite pieces you have posted and considering the elections in November, it’s a very unsettled time and a very appropriate piece. I studied this genetic phenomenon you describe in college and I was always fascinated by it.
Thank you for all you do and revealing your self to us
Your friend
Tim
Oh sending love for you and this loss ❤️💔
Your words always impact me, Cheryl. However, this time it really touched my heart. My husband of 45 years unexpectedly chose to take his life while I was sleeping on the night on February 3, 2022. There were no warning signs and I found him in the bedroom. The death was violent and I still experience nightmares, grief, and despair. I lost the ability to talk for almost 6 months, which is ironic as I have been a speech language pathologist for all of my life and never fully understood selective mutism until now. But that tragic event did cause me to “do it now” and embark on Swedish Death Cleaning. All of this has led me to a new and healing life in Spain. I will always grieve but my strong Italian and Scottish ancestors have gifted me with the powers of resiliency, forgiveness and love. I am forever grateful for those genetic traits.
thx for posting your reflective piece. i am so sorry for your troubling history. it resonated with me. others’ writings often draw out people’s own parallel comparisons. this one did fo rme; and sort of gave me permission to relinquish guilt of family sorrows and release any sort of self blame. it also offered comfort in reminding me we are not the only ones suffering. we all have our stories. i accepted an amazing job in cupertino and moved our family from az when elektra was 3. within 10 weeks we bought our first house in marin, then my father suddenly died, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease and i was told progeny have a 50-50 chance of inheriting that gene. i didn’t. my sister did. mom died. later we headed to harvard, boston u, to scout universities with elektra, visit my sister and her sons. then... her youngest committed suicide. then she died of that insidious disease mom had. even now after a zillion confirmations and dna gene photographic prints, the worry residue remains, regardless the impossibility. so yes, go. do. now.
I have only two ex pat friends in Italy and they both have suicide, and I do also, in their ancestry. Interesting