An excellent essay, Cheryl. The one thing I would add is the importance of personal relationships, which is I think part of the trust aspect you mention. I cannot recall any time in my 65 year life in America, living in all parts of the country, where mutually supportive relationships between people were so prevalent. Its sometimes breathtaking, even touching. From the 92 year old owner of the alimentari down the street who delivers eggs to our door from a nearby farm because I told her how much we like them, to the pharmacist who offered to bring me medications during my recovery from surgery, to my barber who gave me a hug and kisses because of a story I wrote about him that he said "elevated his wife's opinion of him." Sometimes I just cannot help but get teary-eyed.
The generosity of total strangers is astonishing, isn't it? I learned that about Italians about six years before I moved here, when a woman I knew through the Ossola FB group offered to host me when I came to Italy for a visit. She wasn't a relative, just a kind person. I discounted her offer completely; then, a few years later when I posted on FB that I was going to Italy, she insisted I stay with her. Not only that, she wouldn't let me pay for any meals or shopping, she took me to one of my ancestral towns and helped me inquire about my family's documents, bought tickets to see Leonardo's Last Supper (and refused reimbursement), and drove me to the train station when I left, where her rather elderly husband insisted on putting my suitcase on the train for me. We are, of course, still friends.
Love this commentary. We're just about to start the adventure of living full-time in Italy-- though we've had a home in Le Marche for almost 20 years. I'm very interested to see how the experience changes when Italy is actually "home". But I definitely recognize all of the things you mention-- especially the driving. Always too fast or way too slow!
I think you'll find it very different, especially if your stays have been relatively brief until now. But I think it will be wonderful, and I hope you think so too! Make sure to write about it, ok?
I can back you up on the linguistic experience and most of the others. I'm in Calabria which is simultaneously laid back and crazy dramatic. I think my favourite thing is that here, if you're in a bar for breakfast often someone will randomly pay your bill. The barista will walk over and tell you. It's a very understated form of social connection.
I just counted...I’m starting month seventy-one. It hasn't been contiguous, though. I wish I had had an A2 level of language when I arrived! It would've made the first three years easier.
Forgive me but I agree about the unexpected kindness you experience in Italy. I grew up in a small town of 900 people in the “50s” and it really reminds me of that time.
Back home again now to many happy friends with open arms. The disappointment is overwhelming at times….. Italian is a very difficult language to learn especially when you don’t have to….when I see all these, “Easy Italian, or Italian made easy” I have to laugh because there is nothing easy about Italian
Hey Cheryl, new subscriber here! I loved reading your experience about Italy, it’s nice to see that there’s some love for my country and what I read all rang so true too! I have been an expat myself (to sunny old England) for 8 years now and I wonder if you have mixed feelings about leaving some un-lived life back in the US?
Benvenuta Francesca! Thanks for subscribing, and I'm glad to hear what I wrote rang true to you. No, I don't have mixed feelings; this is where I want to be. I miss my family and friends, of course, and the ballet and theater communities I was part of, but It feels like being here is the right stage of my life. How about you, after 8 years?
That’s amazing. I moved to the uk not out of love for it, but out of convenience and hope that I would find better working opportunities. I now have what I longed for, as well as a loving partner and beautiful group of friends, (which are the main reasons why I stayed, rather than the job) and yet I feel very unsure about my future. Im okay for now, but I struggle to imagine having children there. I’m not sure I should blame my unsettling anxiety for it, or consider this a sign that I’m not where my soul wants to be 🤷♀️
I hear you. It sounds like you're where you need to be for now, and hopefully you can relax and enjoy it. I think your heart (or soul) will eventually tell you if you need to make another change. At least I hope so, and I hope your partner can help you figure it out. Nel frattempo, tranquilla!
All of this! and most especially the last point. I worked in NY for a year and was baffled at how hard it was to find international news - everything was so America focused it was WILD. Also coupled with the general ignorance of people in my office ‘where is South Africa?’ 🫢
Wonderful perspective. Reassuring for me that I need to give myself more time to adapt, improve my Spanish skills, and relax. Ten months in and I am still overwhelmed with taxes, renting, holidays, customs, etc. I remind myself constantly to just stop and breathe the clean air and rejoice in the everyday beauty that surrounds me.
I agree with Cheryl. Ten months is nothing. It took us two years to feel like we understand how things work (or sometimes don't). I often tell newcomers: "Learn to laugh. Laugh a lot. After you finish crying."
I can't BELIEVE Sicily has a reputation for thievery/lack of trust! Man drops a €10 on the platform in the train station yesterday...everyone surrounding him loudly pointed it out to him. I recently saw a Vespa parked, unattended, with a handbag hanging from the handlebars. Nobody asks you to pay...you have to remind them you need to pay. My amazon deliveries...I receive in a big linen bag hanging from my front door accompanied by a note to, "lasciare la consegna nel sacco, grazie.". I live in a piazza, so dozens see the set-up and never has there been anything missing. It's so unfortunate that americans and/or uk'ers think other countries have crime problems when the crime statistics are likely about the same as the difference in cost between u.s. pharmaceuticals and eu pharmaceuticals....10% of what they are in your, "home," country.
That's all so lovely to hear. Stereotypes and misconceptions seem to hang on forever, unfortunately. And yes, Italy has far less crime than the U.S., at least in my experience.
I'm only 18 months in, but I'd say yes to all of this. And regarding the language...I was at about A0.33 when I arrived, and now I'm maybe at A1 a full 18 months later. (Granted, that included 12 months of grad school, in English.) The language is a really big deal. My husband is more or less fluent after studying 20+ years, so he and I have very different everyday lived experiences.
We all go at our own pace. Since your husband is fluent, hopefully he'll help you along. Life is so much richer when you can communicate! (Gee, who knew? ;-) )
An excellent essay, Cheryl. The one thing I would add is the importance of personal relationships, which is I think part of the trust aspect you mention. I cannot recall any time in my 65 year life in America, living in all parts of the country, where mutually supportive relationships between people were so prevalent. Its sometimes breathtaking, even touching. From the 92 year old owner of the alimentari down the street who delivers eggs to our door from a nearby farm because I told her how much we like them, to the pharmacist who offered to bring me medications during my recovery from surgery, to my barber who gave me a hug and kisses because of a story I wrote about him that he said "elevated his wife's opinion of him." Sometimes I just cannot help but get teary-eyed.
The generosity of total strangers is astonishing, isn't it? I learned that about Italians about six years before I moved here, when a woman I knew through the Ossola FB group offered to host me when I came to Italy for a visit. She wasn't a relative, just a kind person. I discounted her offer completely; then, a few years later when I posted on FB that I was going to Italy, she insisted I stay with her. Not only that, she wouldn't let me pay for any meals or shopping, she took me to one of my ancestral towns and helped me inquire about my family's documents, bought tickets to see Leonardo's Last Supper (and refused reimbursement), and drove me to the train station when I left, where her rather elderly husband insisted on putting my suitcase on the train for me. We are, of course, still friends.
Love this commentary. We're just about to start the adventure of living full-time in Italy-- though we've had a home in Le Marche for almost 20 years. I'm very interested to see how the experience changes when Italy is actually "home". But I definitely recognize all of the things you mention-- especially the driving. Always too fast or way too slow!
I think you'll find it very different, especially if your stays have been relatively brief until now. But I think it will be wonderful, and I hope you think so too! Make sure to write about it, ok?
I can back you up on the linguistic experience and most of the others. I'm in Calabria which is simultaneously laid back and crazy dramatic. I think my favourite thing is that here, if you're in a bar for breakfast often someone will randomly pay your bill. The barista will walk over and tell you. It's a very understated form of social connection.
I LOVE that! I'll have to get that going here in Perugia. "Laid back and crazy dramatic"—LOL
In Perugia- you must meet Teresa Cutler ,
I don't know her and haven't heard the name.
I just counted...I’m starting month seventy-one. It hasn't been contiguous, though. I wish I had had an A2 level of language when I arrived! It would've made the first three years easier.
One more month until your (sort of) sixth anniversary!
Well said Cheryl! Spot on about learning the language.
Some days I am golden in Portuguese and others I can´t say or understand shite!
But you gotta keep at it.
And yes, the level of trust here can be disconcerting for us after living in the psychotic US! It is great though, more as it should be.
Working on year six here and applying for citizenship. :) Wish me buona fortuna! ;) (Boa sorte here.)
Best to ye!
Glad to hear I'm not alone! Boa sorte and in bocca al lupo and speriamo bene! (That should cover it!)
Forgive me but I agree about the unexpected kindness you experience in Italy. I grew up in a small town of 900 people in the “50s” and it really reminds me of that time.
Back home again now to many happy friends with open arms. The disappointment is overwhelming at times….. Italian is a very difficult language to learn especially when you don’t have to….when I see all these, “Easy Italian, or Italian made easy” I have to laugh because there is nothing easy about Italian
I’m so sad you’re gone. Come back!
Hey Cheryl, new subscriber here! I loved reading your experience about Italy, it’s nice to see that there’s some love for my country and what I read all rang so true too! I have been an expat myself (to sunny old England) for 8 years now and I wonder if you have mixed feelings about leaving some un-lived life back in the US?
Benvenuta Francesca! Thanks for subscribing, and I'm glad to hear what I wrote rang true to you. No, I don't have mixed feelings; this is where I want to be. I miss my family and friends, of course, and the ballet and theater communities I was part of, but It feels like being here is the right stage of my life. How about you, after 8 years?
That’s amazing. I moved to the uk not out of love for it, but out of convenience and hope that I would find better working opportunities. I now have what I longed for, as well as a loving partner and beautiful group of friends, (which are the main reasons why I stayed, rather than the job) and yet I feel very unsure about my future. Im okay for now, but I struggle to imagine having children there. I’m not sure I should blame my unsettling anxiety for it, or consider this a sign that I’m not where my soul wants to be 🤷♀️
I hear you. It sounds like you're where you need to be for now, and hopefully you can relax and enjoy it. I think your heart (or soul) will eventually tell you if you need to make another change. At least I hope so, and I hope your partner can help you figure it out. Nel frattempo, tranquilla!
My wife and I are approaching the end of our 3rd year. Every paragraph of your essay was a nod.
Everyone is nodding! I'm so glad these experiences are at least somewhat universal.
All of this! and most especially the last point. I worked in NY for a year and was baffled at how hard it was to find international news - everything was so America focused it was WILD. Also coupled with the general ignorance of people in my office ‘where is South Africa?’ 🫢
It's sad, isn't it? I can imagine your disbelieving stare when they asked about South Africa. Thank you for reading!
Congratulations on beginning your 7th year here.,,,from some one who is beginning the 61st
Thank you! I won't be lucky enough to have 61 years here, but I'll take what I can get! What's the biggest change you've experienced?
Wonderful perspective. Reassuring for me that I need to give myself more time to adapt, improve my Spanish skills, and relax. Ten months in and I am still overwhelmed with taxes, renting, holidays, customs, etc. I remind myself constantly to just stop and breathe the clean air and rejoice in the everyday beauty that surrounds me.
Ten months is nothing! Pian piano, as we say here. You're there, breathe, rejoice! The rest will come with time.
I agree with Cheryl. Ten months is nothing. It took us two years to feel like we understand how things work (or sometimes don't). I often tell newcomers: "Learn to laugh. Laugh a lot. After you finish crying."
Great advice! Muchas gracias, Mark
Well said Cheryl! Spot on about learning the language.
Some days I am golden in Portuguese and others I can´t say or understand shite!
But you gotta keep at it.
And yes, the level of trust here can be disconcerting for us after living in the psychotic US! It is great though, more as it should be.
Working on year six here and applying for citizenship. :) Wish me buona fortuna! ;) (Boa sorte here.)
Best to ye!
I was nodding throughout your entire post. You are spot on about the culture of trust. I miss that.
I'm sorry you're somewhere it's lacking, but I'll bet you've kept some of that sense of trust with you.
I can't BELIEVE Sicily has a reputation for thievery/lack of trust! Man drops a €10 on the platform in the train station yesterday...everyone surrounding him loudly pointed it out to him. I recently saw a Vespa parked, unattended, with a handbag hanging from the handlebars. Nobody asks you to pay...you have to remind them you need to pay. My amazon deliveries...I receive in a big linen bag hanging from my front door accompanied by a note to, "lasciare la consegna nel sacco, grazie.". I live in a piazza, so dozens see the set-up and never has there been anything missing. It's so unfortunate that americans and/or uk'ers think other countries have crime problems when the crime statistics are likely about the same as the difference in cost between u.s. pharmaceuticals and eu pharmaceuticals....10% of what they are in your, "home," country.
That's all so lovely to hear. Stereotypes and misconceptions seem to hang on forever, unfortunately. And yes, Italy has far less crime than the U.S., at least in my experience.
I'm only 18 months in, but I'd say yes to all of this. And regarding the language...I was at about A0.33 when I arrived, and now I'm maybe at A1 a full 18 months later. (Granted, that included 12 months of grad school, in English.) The language is a really big deal. My husband is more or less fluent after studying 20+ years, so he and I have very different everyday lived experiences.
We all go at our own pace. Since your husband is fluent, hopefully he'll help you along. Life is so much richer when you can communicate! (Gee, who knew? ;-) )