YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!! I read this while in Italy recently and have been thinking about it ever since. I agree with EVERYTHING you say here. My favorite produce guy always rounds down or gives me a few extra things. And no, I don't think that's b/c I'm a woman. No dessert but yes to an Amaro and sure enough, there's almost always a little something sweet. Italians love to take care of you, to show hospitality, to give generously. When we monetize that, we are insulting them. Just be grateful and warm and sincere and respectful - this is all that they want. They want to be acknowledged in a positive light.
And, that being said, alas, halfway during my trip I notice that one of my regular bars now has a tip jar. UGH. In Balestrate. Ok, so maybe in the summer during tourist season. But in February? This is a small seaside town outside of Palermo. Made me sad. On the other hand - the day we arrived and had lunch with our dear local friend at this same bar, the owner brought the largest glass of Amaro we have ever seen. Basically a wine glass!
Forgive me for saying but - damn Americans. Always trying to change the world to their ways instead of adapting to other cultures. I really appreciate you writing this piece.
Thanks, Jan, I really appreciate hearing your perspective. Laughed out loud at the wineglass of amaro--that’s high-level TLC! 😂 Hope your time in Italy was superb!
“Why do some people insist on imposing their customs and values on a country that’s doing just fine without them?” Because American expats/tourists can't conceive that a country could be better off without American values. As arrogant as that sounds, that's really what it comes down to. I always hated that when I was living abroad, because I tried to live by the rules of the culture I was inhabiting, but my American-ness often complicated things, whether I wanted it to or not.
When my wife and I were in Iceland, we ran into the question of tipping, and it turned out to be rather stressful for us. Do we tip? Do we not? We actually grabbed our phones and Googled the answer. Turns out that it's much the same as in Italy, but it was difficult for us to wrap our heads around the idea of not tipping. It's so ingrained in our cultural training that leaving it behind in America was a real challenge.
The world would be SO much easier if everyone just followed our example, right??🤗
Yeah, that was a rhetorical question! As I just commented to Tim, we just need to remember not to assume the whole world functions the way it does in our experience. Definitely not easy, especially with ingrained behaviors like tipping (though I seem to be the exception—I was thrilled to find out I didn't need to tip!). Anyway, good for you for even thinking to ask the question in Iceland. I admit to not doing that when I was in Barcelona; I assumed people don't tip in Spain. My bad for making an assumption—those things are dangerous!
"My American-ness often complicated things"—that's a really good way to describe this kind of thing. If we're aware of that, we can try to tread more softly.
I used to “tip like an American”, but after being educated by a client of mine with the same information you present here, I switched to rounding up. Depending on the bill amount and what type of establishment it is, I round up to the Euro, or round up to the lowest denomination of paper note, and rarely round up to the next €5 at the most. And only in cash, never on a credit card.
Brava! and brava to your client too! If only others were easy to convince. I didn't want to get into it in the article, but there's no line item for tips on cc transactions here (or so I'm told; I haven't checked recently, but plan to)—those would get reported to the tax authorities as part of the bill and the restaurant owner would pay taxes on them.
Good information to know and share. Wish there was a term for someone who doesn't want to be labeled an "ex-pat" but isn't quite an immigrant yet. I think trying to assimilate within your new country's culture, traditions and language is the key!
"money isn’t holy here the way it is in the U.S. There’s no workaholic culture, no bragging about job titles (implying high salaries) in everyday conversations. " this !!
Great points here - I would love a follow up essay on other American effects that are showing up in Italy. I'm sure it's a long list.
Good article, thanks. Very disappointing that expats are not assimilating but I think the tipping issue is mainly confined to places brimming with tourists. Of course as travel increases so does the number of those places. I don't think you mentioned the coperto or cover charge, which is around 2 euro or more per person in restaurants. It is the Italian equivalent of a tip, which along with no place to leave a tip with a credit card, helps to convince visitors that tips are not expected.
From everything I’ve read and heard, the coperto goes to the restaurant, not to servers. I don’t live in a super-touristy city and American-style tipping happens here, and tip jars in bars aren’t uncommon. Unfortunately, the absence of a tip line on cc doesn’t seem to defer anyone.
I agree with you. I know I for one are sometimes blinded by generosity, my own generosity. I wrongly think that possibly the recipient goes home and uses his windfall for something good for his family or him or herself. Changing Italian culture, especially to be more American in nature would be a disaster. However, and I am not disagreeing with you, you must admit Italians are as capable of extreme generosity. Wonderful pleasure to meet you
I understand the wish to be generous, and of course there are times when it's appropriate. I'd say it's appropriate all the time if it wasn't changing Italian culture. Really, who wants to say no to generosity? But I think we need to be aware of the effects of not understanding how other cultures function, especially in this new world of over-tourism.
And yes, Italians are often very generous; I've experienced that time and time again. I've also experienced their desire for reciprocity—it's hard to give an Italian something without getting something in return! A well-thought-out tip for exceptional service is one thing, a routine handout is another, and potentially offensive. It really is about the larger question of not assuming the whole world functions the way it does in our own little corners.
So fab to spend time with you and Lisa—please come back sometime!
Excellent article and spot-on! I love Italy and Italian culture and it is very troubling to see foreigners, and especially Americans (like me) changing it.
Very enlightening. When we go to Italy, hopefully it will be with our dear friends. They lived in Tuscany area and were endeared by a local family. Strong ties remain. The culture would be very restful to me and I would enjoy learning more.
I’m late to comment here but just wanted to say… How right you are! Fortunately I am a fast learner. My Italian husband makes sure to promptly fill me in when he feels I am about to make a faux pas thought I rarely do anymore. But I must confess that the tipping issue is still the hardest one to adhere to. It is so ingrained. Thanks for putting this out there!
I read and enjoy every single one of your postings thought I don’t always comment.
YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!! I read this while in Italy recently and have been thinking about it ever since. I agree with EVERYTHING you say here. My favorite produce guy always rounds down or gives me a few extra things. And no, I don't think that's b/c I'm a woman. No dessert but yes to an Amaro and sure enough, there's almost always a little something sweet. Italians love to take care of you, to show hospitality, to give generously. When we monetize that, we are insulting them. Just be grateful and warm and sincere and respectful - this is all that they want. They want to be acknowledged in a positive light.
And, that being said, alas, halfway during my trip I notice that one of my regular bars now has a tip jar. UGH. In Balestrate. Ok, so maybe in the summer during tourist season. But in February? This is a small seaside town outside of Palermo. Made me sad. On the other hand - the day we arrived and had lunch with our dear local friend at this same bar, the owner brought the largest glass of Amaro we have ever seen. Basically a wine glass!
Forgive me for saying but - damn Americans. Always trying to change the world to their ways instead of adapting to other cultures. I really appreciate you writing this piece.
Thanks, Jan, I really appreciate hearing your perspective. Laughed out loud at the wineglass of amaro--that’s high-level TLC! 😂 Hope your time in Italy was superb!
Agreed!!!
“Why do some people insist on imposing their customs and values on a country that’s doing just fine without them?” Because American expats/tourists can't conceive that a country could be better off without American values. As arrogant as that sounds, that's really what it comes down to. I always hated that when I was living abroad, because I tried to live by the rules of the culture I was inhabiting, but my American-ness often complicated things, whether I wanted it to or not.
When my wife and I were in Iceland, we ran into the question of tipping, and it turned out to be rather stressful for us. Do we tip? Do we not? We actually grabbed our phones and Googled the answer. Turns out that it's much the same as in Italy, but it was difficult for us to wrap our heads around the idea of not tipping. It's so ingrained in our cultural training that leaving it behind in America was a real challenge.
The world would be SO much easier if everyone just followed our example, right??🤗
Yeah, that was a rhetorical question! As I just commented to Tim, we just need to remember not to assume the whole world functions the way it does in our experience. Definitely not easy, especially with ingrained behaviors like tipping (though I seem to be the exception—I was thrilled to find out I didn't need to tip!). Anyway, good for you for even thinking to ask the question in Iceland. I admit to not doing that when I was in Barcelona; I assumed people don't tip in Spain. My bad for making an assumption—those things are dangerous!
"My American-ness often complicated things"—that's a really good way to describe this kind of thing. If we're aware of that, we can try to tread more softly.
I used to “tip like an American”, but after being educated by a client of mine with the same information you present here, I switched to rounding up. Depending on the bill amount and what type of establishment it is, I round up to the Euro, or round up to the lowest denomination of paper note, and rarely round up to the next €5 at the most. And only in cash, never on a credit card.
Brava! and brava to your client too! If only others were easy to convince. I didn't want to get into it in the article, but there's no line item for tips on cc transactions here (or so I'm told; I haven't checked recently, but plan to)—those would get reported to the tax authorities as part of the bill and the restaurant owner would pay taxes on them.
Good information to know and share. Wish there was a term for someone who doesn't want to be labeled an "ex-pat" but isn't quite an immigrant yet. I think trying to assimilate within your new country's culture, traditions and language is the key!
Yep, that's the key all right. You've got the immigrant spirit!
It all needed to be said. The americano/a focus on money...and age(!) is a cultural virus.
Thanks, Lorena. "Cultural virus"—I like that (and agree, of course)!
"money isn’t holy here the way it is in the U.S. There’s no workaholic culture, no bragging about job titles (implying high salaries) in everyday conversations. " this !!
Great points here - I would love a follow up essay on other American effects that are showing up in Italy. I'm sure it's a long list.
Thanks, Joanna, I’ll keep that in mind. 🙂
Good article, thanks. Very disappointing that expats are not assimilating but I think the tipping issue is mainly confined to places brimming with tourists. Of course as travel increases so does the number of those places. I don't think you mentioned the coperto or cover charge, which is around 2 euro or more per person in restaurants. It is the Italian equivalent of a tip, which along with no place to leave a tip with a credit card, helps to convince visitors that tips are not expected.
From everything I’ve read and heard, the coperto goes to the restaurant, not to servers. I don’t live in a super-touristy city and American-style tipping happens here, and tip jars in bars aren’t uncommon. Unfortunately, the absence of a tip line on cc doesn’t seem to defer anyone.
Well said and I definitely do not want to change the Italian culture. After all it took how long to develop?
I agree with you. I know I for one are sometimes blinded by generosity, my own generosity. I wrongly think that possibly the recipient goes home and uses his windfall for something good for his family or him or herself. Changing Italian culture, especially to be more American in nature would be a disaster. However, and I am not disagreeing with you, you must admit Italians are as capable of extreme generosity. Wonderful pleasure to meet you
I understand the wish to be generous, and of course there are times when it's appropriate. I'd say it's appropriate all the time if it wasn't changing Italian culture. Really, who wants to say no to generosity? But I think we need to be aware of the effects of not understanding how other cultures function, especially in this new world of over-tourism.
And yes, Italians are often very generous; I've experienced that time and time again. I've also experienced their desire for reciprocity—it's hard to give an Italian something without getting something in return! A well-thought-out tip for exceptional service is one thing, a routine handout is another, and potentially offensive. It really is about the larger question of not assuming the whole world functions the way it does in our own little corners.
So fab to spend time with you and Lisa—please come back sometime!
Excellent article and spot-on! I love Italy and Italian culture and it is very troubling to see foreigners, and especially Americans (like me) changing it.
Glad to hear you don't want it to change! We need to apply the "friends don't let friends" rule here—friends don't let friends tip like Americans!
Very enlightening. When we go to Italy, hopefully it will be with our dear friends. They lived in Tuscany area and were endeared by a local family. Strong ties remain. The culture would be very restful to me and I would enjoy learning more.
I hope you do go and have a wonderful trip! Thanks for reading!
I’m late to comment here but just wanted to say… How right you are! Fortunately I am a fast learner. My Italian husband makes sure to promptly fill me in when he feels I am about to make a faux pas thought I rarely do anymore. But I must confess that the tipping issue is still the hardest one to adhere to. It is so ingrained. Thanks for putting this out there!
I read and enjoy every single one of your postings thought I don’t always comment.
I think you’re right about that (no tip line on CC bills). That should be a big confirmation about customs when traveling anywhere.